Wow - white fragility on full display. Huge paradigm shift happening right now and it is threatening the white identity and sense of reality. It's a big deal to wake up to one's blindness around being a racist while their whole life thinking they are not. I am personally in awe about my own awakening every day - realizing my whole life I thought I was anti-racist only to realize I have ignorantly participated in perpetuating the very system that advances whites.

This is a shift in consciousness and if we are loyal to this shift, and at the same time understanding that realizing one is a racist when one's very sense of identity is that they are not is confronting in the extreme. Maybe starting with core values and speaking life into those ... "I know you value respect and dignity for all lives, and I appreciate that about you. Would you want to know if you said something or did something that could be interpreted as out of sync with that?" If she said yes, great. If she said no, it may be time to move on from that relationship.